In another time, a white man like Rep. Ted Yoho (R-Fla.) would not have felt so emboldened to call a fellow Congresswoman a “fucking bitch” within earshot of hot press mics. Nor would he have felt emboldened to levy that as a follow-up verbal assault to a fellow member of Congress. Unfortunately, we’re well past those times.
I can’t say exactly what was going on in his mind, nor do I care. Because we’ve seen this with increasing frequency: Aggrieved white people lashing out because they feel society is persecuting them, be it mask ordinances or the rising power or minorities, women or both, as was Yoho’s case with Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY).
The offense has been well documented. But more impressive was AOC’s response to Yoho’s non-apology. I say it’s a non-apology because he denied ever calling her a “fucking bitch”. He also went on to say that because he’s been married for over four decades and has two daughters, he’s “very cognizant of his language.”
Because you’re married to a woman and have a daughter or two doesn’t make us men automatically not misogynists. Yoho’s assertion to the contrary is what AOC couldn’t let stand.
By laying out her argument with such precision–not to mention the fact that she has entered these remarks into the Congressional record–she’s given voice to what many women have been thinking for years, but might not have had the platform from which to be heard. The media coverage alone means that these remarks will be referenced as a cultural touchstone. Perhaps we will look back and be able to count this as another shift towards gender equity.
I will not stay up late at night waiting for an apology from a man who has no remorse over calling women and using abusive language towards women. But what I do have issue with is using women, wives, and daughters as shields and excuses for poor behavior.
Mr. Yoho mentioned that he has a wife and two daughters. I am two years younger than Mr. Yoho’s youngest daughter. I am someone’s daughter too.
My father, thankfully, is not alive to see how Mr. Yoho treated his daughter. My mother got to see Mr. Yoho’s disrespect on the floor of this house towards me on television, and I am here because I have to show my parents that I am their daughter and that they did not raise me to accept abuse from men.
Further:
Now, what I am here to say is that this harm that Mr. Yoho levied, tried to levy against me, was not just an incident directed at me, but when you do that to any woman, what Mr. Yoho did was give permission to other men to do that to his daughters.
He — in using that language, in front of the press, he gave permission to use that language against his wife, his daughters, women in his community, and I am here to stand up to say that is not acceptable.
More importantly, this:
And so, what I believe is that having a daughter does not make a man decent. Having a wife does not make a decent man. Treating people with dignity and respect makes a decent man. And when a decent man messes up, as we all are bound to do, he tries his best and does apologize. Not to save face, not to win a vote. He apologizes genuinely to repair and acknowledge the harm done so that we can all move on.
She finishes with this:
Lastly, what I want to express to Mr. Yoho is gratitude. I want to thank him for showing the world that you can be a powerful man and accost women. You can have daughters and accost women without remorse. You can be married and accost women. You can take photos and project an image to the world of being a family man and accost women without remorse and with a sense of impunity. It happens every day in this country. It happened here on the steps of our nation’s Capitol. It happens when individuals who hold the highest office in this land admit, admit to hurting women, and using this language against all of us.
Wow. The whole 10-minute speech is worth watching, especially for men. Anyone who claims they’re committed to personal responsibility should take it as an opportunity to do some soul searching, as well as a moment to examine how you treat women who aren’t in your immediate family.
