I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason.
For example, I’m grateful to not be responsible for an institution at this moment because that makes room for other things in my life. In my case, that means I can tend to my mom, moving her from Ohio here to Brooklyn to live with us. Being between full time jobs created the necessary mental and emotional space for the me to put things in motion to get her here.
With people living longer, I suspect my eldercare story is becoming the norm. In fact, more and more of my friends and colleagues find themselves–either slowly or suddenly–having to care for an aging parent or parents. In my case, it’s been a shift that’s happened over that last four years. First, it was her admitting that she was overwhelmed by the effort to manage her own finances. Her advancing Parkinson’s made moving around a challenge. Then came a long pre-pandemic hospitalization and a need for daily home health aides. And, unfortunately, she’s been in a nursing home since October. But in a few days she’ll be here in Brooklyn with us.
While this brings a certain level of relief–mom will be here and I’m hoping that being around family will improve her health–it’s also bringing a new level of responsibility and concerns. I’m doing my best to anticipate the shift in routines her presence will require. It’s a big change, and I can admit to not moving as quickly as I might have because I was aware of how things will change. When your parent is being cared for several hundred miles away, you have the luxury of not thinking about the day-to-day, moment-by-moment aspects of caregiving. I dragged my feet a bit on doing this, even though I knew this moment was coming and it’s the absolute right thing to do.
The good news is I’m not going into this alone. Clearly, my family is onboard. As well, I’ve been fortunate to engage an excellent elder care specialist–Terri White— to support our family in this process. Shout-out to NYS Assembly Member Stefani Zinerman for connecting us.
There are still a lot of steps to this process, even when mom gets here. But understanding that this is what’s happening now also helps me accept–and lean into–whatever experiences this new moment will bring.
Wish me luck. Now, onward!
